Spannergate

spanner
Brian Spanner, pictured yesterday

For anybody outside of Scotland Spannergate is incomprehensible and nobody really cares about it, like the Scotch people themselves, but, also like the Scotch people, it’s creating a lot of noise and refusing to go away to sleep it off.

To help out those who are struggling to keep up here is a quick summary of the story so far…

A very naughty boy.
Spannergate style guide, page 1, paragraph 1, “All Spannergate articles shall reference Life of Brian

It all started with J. K. Rowling, who isn’t just the richest woman in Scotland not to be running a mortgage scam or skimming off public donations, but is also the creator of Hogwarts – the model for all Scottish schools, where only one child a year meets a violent death and nobody ever asks about the maths or English results.

Because of her status as national treasure Ms Rowling was nationalised in 2014 and is now governed by the Rowling (Permissible Activities) Act of 2015. On the evening of Thursday 28 January freedom-loving SNP outcast, Natalie McGarry, noticed that the terms of this act may have been breached by Ms Rowling communicating via Twitter with somebody who the SNP had declared an un-person, the now infamous Brian Spanner.

Spurred on by a genuine desire to make Twitter a nicer place for all women Scottish Nationalists immediately set to work ignoring the beam in their own eye and searching through Brian Spanner’s 78,000 tweets for 16 that they could sell to the national press as being vile and misogynistic.  These tweets were published on the web-site of economics guess-monger and 4’7″ fountain of eternal hate, Wings Over Scotland, who is widely agreed to be both objective and fair in all matters relating to J. K. Rowling.

jkr wings

Around this time people began to realise that annoying someone who can afford to employ both of the lawyers in Scotland might not be a great idea, and that it was probably best left to the politicians to dictate to a woman who she can befriend on-line without damaging women’s on-line freedom. And so attention turned to Spanner…

spanner2
Note the paper bag…too tight to pay the 5p plastic bag charge.

Despite the fact that there has never been a recorded case of anybody receiving real-life abuse, threats or actual violence, or having their employment threatened because of on-line spats, Spanner appeared to be posting under a pseudonym for no reason at all. From this revelation the train of logic was as inescapable as it was worthy of Holmes himself…

  • If ‘Brian Spanner’ is an alias then there must be a real person behind the account!
  • Because the Nationalist cause is so self-evidently right and righteous there couldn’t possibly be somebody opposed to it who wasn’t already in the pay of the evil Tories.
  • Most of Spanner’s Twitter feed is words and pictures; do you know who else likes communicating in words and pictures? That’s right, journalists!
  • There was evidence that both Rowling and Spanner had read things written by journalists.  They even followed some of the same journalists.  The same Unionist journalists.

As plainly as jet fuel not burning hot enough to melt steel beams Spanner had to be an anti-Nationalist (i.e. anti-Scotland) journalist.  Even if you’re not the sort to believe in conspiracy theories you have to admit that there isn’t a single gap in that logic.  The key suspect, Euan McColm, hasn’t explicitly denied being Brian Spanner, even though the Cybernats have taken a break from calling him a cunt to ask him politely to do so.  Damning!

That brings us up to date.  Nationalists are raging impotently against something they are billing as a conspiracy against them, which is exactly what they were doing before Spannergate as well, but about something different, and everybody else is getting on their lives.

As letting go and moving on are the two key strengths of Scottish Nationalists this is likely to be the last we hear of the matter.

[This space reserved for links to Spannergate parts 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Scottish election night Spannergate special, 7a, 7b, 8 thu 91 and Spannergate: A retrospective on life before the nuclear winter]

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9 thoughts on “Spannergate

    • That’s wonderful.
      You’re a Tory, right?
      No, wait – you’re a ‘Liberal Dem-o-crat’ (snigger)
      I know you ain’t ‘Scotch’ Labour cos they don’t know how to do that blog-thingy

      Either way, can’t wait for you to do some of that clever-stuff when Scotland and the Scotch get independence from Westminster. How will you slant that one, Einstein?
      SNP 1 and 2 in May.

      Hey!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. If the Nationalist government started fixing things like F.R. Bridgegate NHSgate Education gate and all the other gates they have left open for their sheep to run amok things in Scotland would get better but no they want to play Independence at any cost to anyone or anything

    Like

    • ‘F.R. Bridgegate NHSgate Education gate’…
      And therein lies the problem; doom-merchants (talk about sheep??) see only SNP Baaaad if as much as a stank has been flooded by rainwater. John, if you had half a notion to try and think for yourself, perhaps read better sources of information, educate yourself, then you might improve yourself. Mimicking what the Record, Mail, Telegraph etc are printing on a daily basis is not impressive.

      FR Bridge: I think you’ll find that Labour, Scottish-branch, can take full responsibility for any current issues surrounding the bridge. When they came to power in 1997 they immediately cancelled the new bridge that was being planned. George (beer-breath) Foulkes; “… the existing bridge has a future that goes as far as they can see”… They deemed Edinburgh trams to be a greater priority than a replacement bridge. Some foresight, eh, John? It took an SNP government to address what was a serious and ongoing problem.

      NHS ‘gate’ – Seriously, John? Seriously? Are we talking about the BRITISH NHS, currently being privatised by stealth by your British government? or are we talking about the service in Scotland that consistently out-performs any other British A&E dept, have cut waiting times and are again the most improved health service in the British isles? Don’t even go there, son.

      Education; three simple words: Free University Education. You appear not to agree with this? There is no political party more committed to education in Scotland – for Scots and for non-Scots – than the Scottish National Party.

      John, I bet you’re ‘a proud Scot, but….’?

      Try reading Wings over Scotland, John: http://wingsoverscotland.com/
      Stu generally exposes all the above-named Unionist publications, swats ’em with ease. I know you guys don’t like him, that’s a pity, cos if you’re a Scot then he’s speaking-up on your behalf – he’s great for Scotland!

      Have a nice day.

      Liked by 1 person

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