Fucking dentists

A new Twitterstorm exploded yesterday as it emerged that improbably maned alpha-male, Donald, had inexplicably not been shot and killed by his dentist.

Roooooar!
Roooooar!

The story broke with tweets reporting live sightings of Donald leading GOP polls in New Hampshire, with initial speculation that this was the fault of Republicans.  Within hours however Twitter had identified Donald’s dentist, Walter Pariah, as the party responsible for failing to shoot him right in the fucking face.

Dr Pariah’s surgery was closed yesterday with the blinds drawn and nobody answering the phones.  Its web-site and Facebook page were also taken down after hundreds of social media users, angered that their oxygen was still being used to keep Donald alive, bombarded them with angry messages.

Later in the day Dr Pariah released a short statement through his PR agency apologising for his abject failure to shoot Donald in the head and saying how deeply he now regretted that inaction, though this statement seems to have done little to dampen down the anger of millions who now feel that they may have to live through President Donald.

There was also a statement from the head of the Zimbabwean cunting authority, Notra Cistbut, explaining that his rangers were checking paperwork, but as far as he was aware Zimbabwe’s offer of asylum to anybody killing Donald was still in force.

NRA spokesperson, Wordwrangler Thundercunt, also made a statement, “The NRA reasserts its position that if dentists were required to carry concealed firearms then this terrible situation could have been avoided by Dr Pariah simply letting loose a couple of rounds into the back of Donald’s rug as he leant forward to spit out the pink mouth-wash.”

In the UK Labour party leadership candidate Jeremy Corbyn was quick to speak out on the issue, “Although historically billionaires have been rare the past decade has seen a rapid increase in their numbers, which makes it important that we get them up against the wall and slaughter them like pigs as soon as possible.  Tragically if Donald had been shot in the fucking head it’s likely that another billionaire would have eaten his offspring, potentially ridding the world of his DNA forever.  That’s now unlikely to happen.”

A statement from fellow candidate Andy Burnham is expected as soon as he has a comprehensive poll telling him what people want to hear.

Donald himself made a brief statement, although he did not directly address Dr Pariah’s potential dooming of the world, “My very first act as president is going to be to get my face carved onto Mount Rushmore.  Ha, classic Trump!”

South Dakota, population: 0
South Dakota, population: 0

In other news, Shane MacGowan remains at large.

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